Trigger Warning: With our Editor, Rachael Tickner.
Ever since our second son was born, deep down, I knew that I wanted a third child. A third child to add to our family of four. Growing up, I never thought that I wanted more than two children, but the yearning for another child doesn’t just disappear. In my opinion, it only grows. And in my case, that rings true. Life sometimes gives you little signs along the way and I honestly believe that despite the toughest of odds, that we are meant to be a family of five. Our journey to parenthood was never an easy one to begin with. We suffered two much longed-for babies with early pregnancy loss (a missed miscarriage) which was our first son who is forever in our hearts, and our second loss, an ectopic pregnancy (which in my heart and soul), I always felt was a little girl. Then just two years almost to the month of welcoming our son, Oscar, who later this year will be turning, the big four – I was diagnosed with AIS and SCLL, which meant I underwent two surgeries and was referred by my gynaecologist to an oncologist gynaecologist. Once we have completed our family, it’s recommended that I undergo a hysterectomy, which is the advised treatment method both here in Australia and worldwide. Due to that big decision and trying to protect my future health, that has weighed on my mind and my heart greatly. On top of that, my fertility is low. Prior to the surgeries I had my AMH checked and it was low then and it’s sadly even lower now. To double the blow, I’ve now been diagnosed with PCOS and I’m on medication. It most definitely would explain the weight gain that I’ve had in the past 5-7 years and I’m not just talking about the excess baby weight either.
What first diagnosed my irregular glandular abnormal cells was experiencing irregular bleeding and when I experienced that more recently and irregular cycles and hair growth such as facial and breast hair, that I wasn’t used to experiencing, I knew that something wasn’t right. After making an appointment with my gynaecologist and former OB, and having not falling pregnant in over 6 months, we made the decision that very day, which timing wise was actually the first day of my cycle, I was to undergo IUI. My first ever official fertility treatment and cycle that I would be experiencing. Off I went down to the pharmacy to fill the script of medication that would assist in follicle stimulation. I took the medication for 6 days (accidentally one day more than I was meant to), but thankfully that didn’t seem an issue come the scan day, as I had one lucky follicle and it was on my lucky left side. Sadly, I lost my right tube in 2014 when I experienced our ectopic pregnancy. On Day 15 of my cycle (which was the following Monday), I had the trigger shot that it’s called just 15 minutes later from my scan and on my way I went. It would be almost 36 hours later, on the Wednesday that I experienced my first ever IUI. Hopefully we didn’t miss the time of ovulation and it’s hard to of course know exactly when that moment is, but according to my first scan, my follicle would be great and ready to go on the Wednesday.
I was quite nervous the night before and just wanted to ensure that everything went well. Logistically, there were a few things involved to make everything run smoothly. My husband at home provided the required specimen and off I went to take it to the fertility clinic. After attending the fertility clinic, I was greeted by the lovely and friendly receptionists who were so kind and helpful. I waited for the administration nurse who took the specimen and it went to the scientist for the “sperm wash”. That process took approximately 40 mins. During that time, and battling some slight rain without my umbrella, I had a quick drink and morning tea. I was still so nervous so didn’t eat or drink too much. Then, before I knew it, it was time to carefully and safely drive the specimen to my OB’s office, where the actual IUI would take place. The lovely receptionist at my OB’s office knew that we were on our way and as soon as I arrived, the artificial insemination took place. It didn’t take long at all, and was similar to what women experience with a papsmear. I lay there for about 10 mins and glad that I did as I had heard mixed reviews about if you are meant to lay down after the procedure and it, “if helps”. After that, it was time to go home. I had some slight cramping and discomfort that afternoon and evening but overall, the following days were not too bad at all. That night, I also started Progesterone Pessaries which I had used in early pregnancy with our now eldest son, Ollie. I insert one of them both morning and night and whilst the big two-week wait, otherwise known in fertility circles as the ‘TWW,’ I’m currently holding on to ‘hope’. And most of all Faith. Hope and Faith that if this little baby is meant to be and meant to join our little family, then it will be. If not, I need to accept it. My husband doesn’t want to try another round of IUI or go down the IVF path and as hard as it is to accept that, I need to be prepared for that. If we are blessed with our third miracle baby, it’s very likely that I will require a clergy stitch at approximately 13 weeks gestation but I don’t want to get too ahead of ourselves. I currently have people close to me (both friends and family) who are expecting and some are expecting little girls. Whether we are blessed again at all, or whether we would be blessed with a little boy or girl, I would be so very grateful to have another chance at motherhood. To be a mum to three beautiful boys or two boys and a little girl, would truly be a dream come true. But I need to also be grateful for what we do have. Which I am. I know that things happen for a reason, it’s just hard to not know the “what ifs” of what the future will hold and how it’s meant to look.
I am praying that we’ll have good news soon and we’ll have a healthy pregnancy. But if we don’t, I need to accept that and I will. In my own time, I will. Thinking of everyone who is going through a similar journey to us currently. My heart and baby dust is with you all.