This year has been a fertility journey that has been one of the toughest times in my life….. But life was never meant to be easy and we are after all, human. xoxo <3 xoxo
In February, I started medication for our first ever IUI cycle, which sadly was unsuccessful. Then Easter happened and we used fertility drugs for that cycle and tried to conceive naturally that month, but sadly to no avail. And in May, we started our IVF journey, but despite being as mentally and physically prepared as I thought I could be, it has been game over before it really began.
I have hoped and prayed so much for our third baby, so much now it actually hurts to think about it. I’ve cried many tears, too many tears to keep track off over the past 7 years. Our journey to parenthood was never easy, sadly, the easy road was not meant to be travelled for us. It was always going to be tough. And am I more resilient for it? I guess that I am but deep down, I wear the scars emotionally and of course physically from the number of surgeries and procedures which I have had over the years.
I have low AMH levels which means that my egg reserve is extremely low. So low in fact that I was what is known as a – “poor responder” to IVF. Despite being on a relatively high dose of medication and injections, it did not help me to grow enough follicles and the two which I did grow, only one of them is big enough for a shot. But sadly that shot can’t really be IVF. The odds of that follicle and possible egg inside surviving the egg extraction process and then surviving to the embryo implantation part of the IVF process is not that high. It’s a big gamble and what price do you put on your fertility? What price do you pay on having that longed for baby.
My whole body feels so whipped out right now. Today I have had two injections, as we have had to switch this cycle to an IUI cycle. Quite possibly our last ever shot at having a biological baby of our own, to expand our family. Tomorrow if the big day for our second IUI. I have hope and faith but deep down, I know that I have to prepare myself for the disappointment that will likely come with this cycle not working and getting my period in over two weeks time. Until then though, I am going to give this everything that I have. For miracles truly do happen and I have beaten the odds before and I hope in my heart that I can once again, beat the odds and fulfill our dream of expanding our beautiful family. If it is not meant to be, then I truly need to accept that. I need to learn how to heal my heart and be grateful for all that I have, right now. Which of course I am, but when you want something in your heart so very much, it makes letting go so much harder. Until next time. Baby dust. xo
Take care. xo
Rachael, Gracefully Magazine’s Editor. xo
Woman hygiene conception. Pink flower gerbera in female hands 
Women’s reproductive system, uterus and ovaries. Art concept of female reproductive health. Paper flowers, flat lay
